Till death do us part?

It’s been a busy week as always…but I’m sitting here and I have no idea what to write.(actually I have plenty ideas, but I find that I’ve been censoring myself lately). I suppose I could do the normal weekly write-up of what I’ve been up to? To be honest I don’t see that happening (or I might just make it a separate post)…this has become too much fluff and not enough teeth.

Call me hormonal if you want but I just feel like taking something apart today. So…what to do? The topic that has been niggling at me for a while now is one of dependence. My little dictionary describes it as: The state of needing somebody or something in order to survive or be successful. Hmmm…looking at it in that light I suppose everyone is dependent to some extent. Where does it cross over to being unhealthy? When do you become so dependant that you are the emotional equivalent of a parasite, unable to live without your host to cling to?

Mulling this over brought to mind a particularly memorable Bible study I once attended. We were discussing the topic of love. The preacher told us that he believed that there was three types of love…Eros (The erotic kind a.k.a. Lust), Philia (Like the love you have for a brother) and Agape (The only true love…selfless love).He also said that he believes in soul mates and he always cautions people not to marry their soul mates. Sounds funny, not so? He told us that he has seen on many occasions that when one of the two die the other follows soon after…they become so intertwined that they literally cannot survive without each other. They die from a broken heart… I think that actually sounds a lot more romantic than it actually is? Imagine physically dying because your heart is broken ?!

I am confused. On the one hand I am looking at two people who are very dear to me wasting away after losing “The One” on the other hand not going for “The One” is much like living a very long life after living on health food and giving up sex…you might live to be 100 but will you really want to? It’s like sky diving…yes…it is most certainly safer to stay in the plane…well actually if you want to be picky it’s probably safer on the ground since the door is open. But when you jump you feel so ALIVE! (But oddly more alone than anywhere else, which makes me wonder how the hell I connected it to this particular topic to begin with?).

To tell you the honest truth – it scares the daylights out of me. Okay…I’ll admit it. I want the soul mate kind of love. I think what everyone is really most scared of is falling that hard (or opening that completely) for someone that won’t waste away when you’re gone. Is that selfish?

This photo is off Deviant Art. It's called Stronghold - by *kailorien. (I really must figure out how to link it nicely like Gobody does). Follow this link to find out more about the artist and the photo.

This also brought to mind an old poem I wrote yonks ago. I’m adding it on here (hope you enjoy it) – be nice – I wrote this when I was 16.

Would you be there?

Will you be there for me,

If I need you someday?

Tomorrow? Today? Or Forever?

Could I feel safe with you?

Would you hold and protect me?

Could you never say never for me?

Could I call you at four?

Could I knock on your door?

Would you be there for me if I did?

Would you love me or leave me?

Protect or deceive me?

Will you always be there just for me?

And when I die someday,

Would you scatter my ashes

In the deep, dark, mysterious sea?

And when I’m gone, and you’re alone...

Would you always keep thinking of me?